Wednesday April 9, 2008

Today has been a very busy day for us. We were told that the boys were possibly going to be discharged Saturday! We would do what the NICU calls rooming in Friday night and then go from there. Well, that plan has been totally revamped, thrown out, and forgotten. I think we are on Plan Z now….

We’ve known the babies would be discharged at different times. Having being told that we might have both boys discharged together was exhilarating news. It would be tough going back and forth from the Ronald McDonald House to the hospital but we’d make it work. Well, due to RSV season Taylor has been unable to see her siblings. Now, we are told that if one or two babies are discharged we cannot have Taylor around them at all. If the babies were to be around a child they could not be brought back into the NICU with me. This causes a major hardship for us.

As a mother my heart is broken because I cannot be with Taylor. I/We have to choose between our children. It has been so long and difficult for Taylor being away from home and from one of her parents. She’s been in Burley with Scott the last couple of days and she been so excited to see me again. That’s what she’s talked about since the moment she left. Scott and I are heartbroken to tell her that she won’t be seeing her mother or siblings like she’s been planning on. I’m sitting here crying as I write this because I know how disappointed she will be when the news is broken to her. I can’t imagine the hurt this may cause her. It has been very difficult for her and confusing during the last three months. I will have to stop writing about it or I may break the laptop from my tears.

Breagan will possibly be the first to be discharged. We are planning on (remember this entire plan is tentative and can change at moment’s notice) “rooming in” tomorrow night. Ayden’s hernia surgery will probably happen sooner than later. Both boys did not pass their car seat test so that could change the plan as well. Carmen is weeks away from her discharge. However, the best news of the day is that she is out of her isolet! She is now back between her two brothers in a crib!

We were also getting ready to move to a room with a “view”. But, it’s not going to happen either. We are going to stay where we’ve been since they were born. It has been a very busy day with so much going on that it’s hard to make sense of everything. We’re planning on “rooming in” with Breagan tomorrow and possible discharge for him Friday or Saturday. Ayden’s discharge date is unknown due to the flunked car seat test and his hernia. Carmen is eating more by mouth and that is progress towards getting her feeding tube out. Her big test now is making sure she maintains body temperature and not lose any weight. If either of those happens she will go back to an isolet.

I’m trying to focus on the great news that Breagan (and possibly Ayden) will be coming out of the NICU soon. I’m also trying to focus on the great news that Carmen has progressed to an open crib. My heart aches for Taylor but I’m trying to be positive; right now it’s just difficult. I’m grateful for our families, and for my mom & sisters who have really been there for Taylor. Scott and I couldn’t have done it without their help. Check out the great picture of all three babies together again. It is a wonderful, wonderful sight!